training

The train so beautiful the sound and it's going the train again quiet otherwise the train one of the last nights and the train.

Sound is warning in the quiet or a call to a call to a call to.

Rumble. The bricks shudder. One of the last nights. The bricks shudder. I the bricks shudder I the bricks ready I am the bricks ready, ready.

It comes closer, the engine. I am closer to bricks shudder here I am and the train is beside me for a few days more.

get a move on

What luck. What crazy luck. In only a few weeks, everything changes.

Tonight, the apartment smells of ginger, lime, cranberries, cinnamon, promise. Tomorrow I clean. Thursday the landlord takes pictures for his ad.

2009 – a year of terrible, wonderful surprises.

lonely boy

real he man bad boy
fish vague straight fish
boring Aurora

lardy thick obvious
oh everything the memory ambiguous
don't say out loud
can paint both ways
rusting no responsible
rules for everybody but bad boy
dictates mumbles

didn't do it
nobody saw do it
no erasies
naughty dull

pot wild cultivated corner store orchid
so rare now everywhere
cheap
tired

skanky pants shoes hat
who picked shirt for him
no match
boo hoo

nobody understands
no such thing as friends
sad really mumsy dadsy

like 14
except grey and balding
white and balding
socket
like 14 but so not
sad
boo hoo

lake

Man-Child Rising: What I Learned From My Judd Apatow Movie Marathon

Judd Apatow films contain some of the most thankless roles for women I have ever seen. Most of them are Crazy Drunk Sluts who appear only in bit parts, which is offensive enough, but hey—at least they don't have to stick around for very long. Pity the girlfriend of the Apatovian Man-Child, friends, for it is certain her boyfriend never will. She's either an endlessly permissive, tolerant, compassionate mommy-lady who is willing to re-arrange her entire life around caring for some dude and enabling his magnificent Journey of Self-Actualization (see: Mila Kunis in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," Catherine Keener in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"), or a harsh, nagging, demanding shrew who not only fails to tolerate or take care of or empower her Man-Childish partner, but actually passes judgment on him and expects him to grow up all on his own (see: Kristen Bell in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," Leslie Mann in "Knocked Up"). She has emotional needs, this woman! And priorities which do not center on her boyfriend! She is a MONSTER!

The thing is, if you are a lady, and you have dated a dude like this — and there are dudes like this, sadly, dudes who have succumbed to the constant cultural messaging that being this way is natural and fun and OK and cool, which is why Judd Apatow has been so successful, and why he continues to be such a bad influence on gender politics at large — you know that you can go from being one to the other in a nanosecond. All it takes is one wrong move. Women are supposed to do the emotional work of maintaining heterosexual relationships, and they are supposed to do it with a smile: Let that smile drop for a second, and you're the bitch who wants to take his toys away.

Excellent, insightful, very sadly true. Been there. Will never do that again. Melissa McEwan calls them misogycoms. Yup, that term covers it.

implications and ramifications of deep friendship

and so then everything changes, and everything changes
and so then everything changes, and it does
all that before is nothing, to nothing
and there is now

and so then those terrible things melt away
and so then those terrible things like footnotes
at the bottom of the sea

and so then love
and so then love
and so then a home, and love

it can be
it can be
it can be
it can be
it can be
it can be
it can be
it can be

and so then hope and beauty
and so then loveliness
and so then home
home
home

and so then home and love

some things in life are so beautiful